Bah I wrote this last week and forgot to post it. I’ll be accepting my memory award at the Alzheimer’s clinic on Tuesday.

Lately, it’s been a bit hard to focus on much more than CNN. I’m not a great watcher of the news (unless you count John Stewart and Stephen Colbert), but lately I’ve been pretty attentive to current events. Quite honestly my heart is broken for Japan. Between earthquake and aftershocks, tsunamis, reactors venting out into the air with a potential full on melt-down still possible, radiation in the food supply… I think I’d be a few screws loose, despite the Northern European upbringing.

…

Blog posts are all well and good, but verbal back-pats and bleeding hearts don’t do much in times like this, so I’m planning on doing something a little more physical. Times like this in Canada, we have 3 things to offer: money, time, and blood. After some deliberation I realise that I don’t really have much of the first two, but I have a lot of the third.

Me and Canada Blood Services don’t really get on well. I feel they did me a great disservice when my uncle fell victim to the tainted blood incident (tragedy?) in the 1990s. He had a hole in his heart, got blood, and then AIDS. But investigations are done and life goes on, right? Earlier this year on Breakfast TV, and maybe some of you remember this report; I hunted for a you tube video but the one in question didn’t seem to be up. A stricken father of a bone disease victim explained about the new bone marrow donation process, feeling that it was his duty to re-educate the public about donating bone marrow. It apparently isn’t has painful as it once was, but that Blood Services hasn’t done much to publicize their advancements. Instead, he and his family waited for a marrow donor that never came and he watched his son waste away until he died. At that point I started thinking about becoming a donor. People shouldn’t have to die from a treatable disease because donors are too scared or uninformed.

Because of the radiation leaks in Japan (ever read Sadako and the Thousand Cranes ?) there is increased need for available donors. This morning I did some research into becoming part of the donation database and I thought I’d share what I’ve learned (after this lengthy introduction, of course).

The best place to check out this kind of stuff is at www.blood.ca . I’m going to paraphrase it a bit for your convenience.

If you’re looking to donate blood, go to the website and on the banner it will ask you for your area and they will calculate the closest clinic to you.

Bone marrow donation is more involved than blood donation though. Basically, to become part of the registry (called OneMatch), you read the information on the blood services website and take a 10 question test so that they know for sure that you understand what you’re signing up for. Also, you need to meet some basic physical requirements. Pretty much don’t have a blood disease and don’t be obese. Being overweight is fine, and you can show up as underweight as you want so long as you’re 17-50 years old. If you pass the physical requirements and test, they take your information (and this can all be done in a few minutes over the internet) and send you out a swab kit. You swab your cheek with it and send it back. Then you just sit and wait until you are matched with someone in need.

If the day comes when you are called on to be a donor for either stem cells or bone marrow and you get way too freaked out, you can change your mind. The info that I’m getting off the website though is FFS, don’t wait until we’ve given the patient chemo and destroy all the sick bone marrow first before you change your mind. If you do so then they’re probably gonna die. So don’t be a chump, huh?

For stem cell donation, you go through a series of 4-5 daily injections of a compound meant to increase your production of stem cells in your blood system. On the 5th or 6th day, they draw the blood and take out the stem cells. They did not specify how much blood they take out during this procedure, but they did specify that they return the blood back into your body after this is done. You’d think they wouldn’t bother to do that if it wasn’t a lot, but I’m just conjecturing. They are clear, however, that this procedure is VERY new, and the compound they use to increase stem cells has not been tested for long term effects. In other words, it hasn’t been in use for more than 10 years (which I hesitate to call long term anyway). So, for myself I think I’ll pass on stem cell donation for now but hopefully there are braver people than I am.

Bone marrow donation has come a long way. You don’t even have to give blood to be in the OneMatch database now, and the physicians involved will see that you are nice and unconscious beforehand. At this point, like before, you get a needle to the pelvis and the bone fluid is drawn out. They recommend that you take 1-3 days off work for this (and I mean, getting a general anaesthetic for any reason and then heading back to work is pretty hardcore, I gotta say). Depending on your size, they take between 0.5 and 1.5 litres of fluid out from your bone, which seems like a lot but it regenerates itself entirely from 4-6 weeks. In that time you’re not meant to do any strenuous activity, but you should be mostly normal and healthy after just a few days. Afterwards, there is associated stiffness and pain similar to having fallen down on the ice, but that’s about as bad as it gets.

Afterwards, Canadian Blood Services does allow contact between donors and recipients one year after the surgery. Some countries don’t allow communication, so it depends on what country the recipient is from whether they will get in touch with you or not. Either way though, they’ll be grateful to you for taking the time to save their life. One would think.

So more communique forthcoming if and when I wind up in the hospital. Hoorah!

Hey! Just wanted to let you guys know that (despite my ridiculous schedule) I am volunteering for a local Calgary Festival Fairy Tales Presentation Society. This is run mostly by our friend (our… fuddy friend?) Jessica Dollard who worked with us on our first project together (aww!).

This society is preparing for the Fairy Tales Film Festival which runs May 26-June 3 of this year, and is the largest LGBTTQ film festival in Alberta. It’s pretty much a venue for LGBTTQ stories and artists to showcase their art in a non-redneck environment. What surprised me, and even others that are involved with the festival and its other activities is the large number of DVDs a member can just walk in and borrow (membership is $10), so a pretty good deal if you think about it that way.

Also, they are looking for applications to the Youth Anti-Homophobia PSA competition, which is open to ages 14-24, involves workshops and access to free equipment. Even if you are not LGBTTQ yourself, free workshops are awesome, and homophobia is bad. No brainer.

Thanks guys and see you later!

Thoughts on Film Festivals
by your loving writer, Erika Livingstone

The local film festival is starting up this week, and the VP and I are endeavoring to spend much of our time taking in as many films as possible. I’ve just finished reading over the entire program (it took me 2 days) and, using pie charts, graphs, Pythagoras, quadratic equations, and a magic 8 ball, finalized a basic list of what sounds most interesting at each showing. My thoroughness should astound brain surgeons like a hot damn. However, I can’t help but feel for the programmers responsible for any film festival. Thousands of hopefuls, both seasoned and wannabe alike try their best to wow the best festivals, who in turn try to make cohesive and responsible selections for the audiences and film communities at large. It’s a lot of pressure on the one hand, and on the other hand, it’s tedious as hell. I honestly can’t imagine how many 16 year old high school students write a poem for their crush, throw in some pictures of flowers and sunsets, and what the hey send it into Cannes to see if it wins them true love (read: being waaay too serious). In reverence for those lucky souls making selections at this year’s festival, I would like to share with you a list published by Sundance programmer Roberta Marie Munroe. While I think the list needs to be taken with a grain of salt, it is mightily amusing to imagine what  some idiot was thinking when they thought these were great ideas.

TOP SHORT FILMMAKER CLICHES
By Roberta Marie Munroe, excerpted from How Not to Make a Short Film

- Is there a Japanese tea ceremony opening scene?
- Do any of your characters point a gun to their own heads while breathing heavily?
- Is there a woman in your film getting romantic with herself while listening to poetry/spoken word?
- Is the female lead avenging a rape?
- Is there a ninja in your film?
- Is your male rapist living through painful remorse that resembles hell on earth metaphorically or via CG?
- Is Deborah Harry in your movie? Alison Janney?
- Does your protagonist drive down a foggy road, all of a sudden seeing a child in a white nightgown who mysteriously disappears in a reverse shot?
- Is your WWII story set in the hills of Griffith Park? Prospect Park? Palm Springs desert? Appalachian mountains?
- Does your black male lead really really really want to be a rapper/basketball player?
- Is Jesus Christ in your film? Is he black? Is your film based on a short story by someone far more talented than you are? Joyce Carol Oates? Raymond Carver? John-Paul Sartre? Kafka?
- Does your rock star lead overcome his drug addiction just in time to perform for the record label executives?
- Does your film start with solitary piano? Acoustic guitar? The theme from The Mission? Requiem for a Dream? Shaft?
- Does your DVD menu have more choices than a feature? Does it have tone and colour bars? Do I have to scroll through 15 steps before I can even watch your movie?
- Is the title of your film Twilight? The Good Neighbour? Forgiven?
- Does someone vomit in your film? Does it look like milk and Oreo cookies?
- Is there a convenience store robbery that goes awry? Are the owners a Korean couple stumbling through broken English?
- Is the reason the robbery goes awry due to an English-as-a-second-language issue?
- Are the robbers black or Latino men who are actually law abiding citizens who are in the wrong place at the wrong time?
- Is your film called One Night Stand?
- Are two people sitting in a car talking about nothing? Do we find out they’re about to commit a crime? That they’re actually really dead?
- Is your film about a war (Vietnam, Iraq, Desert Storm, WWI, WWII)? Is there a scene where the general is reading/writing at an old desk, looks up as an underling enters with important news? Is the light cascading through an open window where we can hear bombs going off?
- Has your lead’s wife/girlfriend/child died and now he’s gone insane?
- Are two men in an argument (Black, Caucasian, Asian, whatever) where one calls the other bitch? Bro? My Niggah?
- Does your script/film use the game of chess as a metaphor?
- Is your company called Starving Artist Productions?
- When a character gets into bed, does the other person in bed open their eyes? Does the awake character then pretend to remain asleep?
- Do you have a character in a bathtub just under the water?
- If indeed your character emerges from a bathtub full of milky-white water, are they also gasping for breath? Shocked they didn’t drown? Do they knock over a lit white candle? Is there a cat meowing (out of sync) as it’s deciding whether or not to join its owner? Are they startled out of their wishful drowning because a phone rings?
- Is your film about a Polaroid that tells the future? An elderly Black female psychic?
- Does a subway train fly past your main character as he ponders life?
- Is your main character the black sheep of the family returning home because someone died, had a miscarriage, or has developed Alzheimer’s? Does he also NOT know how to cook (bake, help dad in the garage, dress nicely like your sister?) Or does he instead spend most of the time on his cell phone due to his high profile job, much to his mother’s chagrin?
- When having sex, are your characters actually in a position where intercourse is physically impossible?
- Is your animated film an homage to Edgar Allen Poe?
- Is there a tall Black man with a bad Jamaican accent telling your white lead to go find Jah? Go back to his girlfriend? “Slow down, man”?
- Does your submission box tell us this is Temp Sound, Temp Music, Rough Cut, Not Necessarily Picture Locked, Missing Crucial Animated Scenes, and Temp FX?
- When your character is on the phone do they pick it up and listen without saying hello or hang up without hearing or saying goodbye? Do they say they’ll be somewhere without disclosing the location or time to meet?
- Is your terrified character (male or female) running through the woods as the camera tracks their feet crunching the debris underneath him or her? Does he or she trip over nothing and fall, crying out in pain, as the music picks up the pace, telling us to get scared?
- Are your main characters late for a wedding? Funeral? Does this cause them to fight and the woman to go back to smoking?
- Is the child in the film really the main character at another age, or at the Gates of Heaven?
- Is there a modern dance sequence in your film?
- Are any of the characters in your film a mime?
- A zombie? A robot?
- Is the character in a wheelchair in your film actually wheelchair-bound?
- Is your protagonist coming out of the closet? Do they get beaten up, thrown out of the house, alienated from their best friend?
- Does your film have lesbian or gay subtext that never materializes?
- Does anybody commit suicide in your film?
- If you had a quarter for every time one of your characters said “What should we do?” would you have enough money to make your next short?
- Is your short film an homage to the silent film era? Complete with Charlie Chaplin look alike?
- Is anybody in your film being chased due to mistaken identity?
- Did your sound guy put clinking ice in your dinner scene when it’s obvious to the audience that there isn’t ice in any of the glasses?
- Assuming this isn’t a porn short, are any of the women in your film not wearing a bra? In broad daylight?
- Is there a crane shot in your film?
- Does your film feature “the silent homeless guy”?
- Are there white guys in their twenties sitting around a table doing lines of cocaine?
- Does a gun appear out of nowhere, especially when it’s obviously fake?
- Did your DP use the old dolly/zoom combo? It worked in Vertigo, leave it alone.
- Does a couple break up over a conversation in a café?
- Does your film feature a time-lapse montage?
- Does your main character stare into the bathroom mirror?
- Is there a close-up of water dripping from a faucet?
- Is there a close-up of a clock ticking?
- Is your opening credit sequence almost as long as the film?
- Does your film repeat itself – do I get to see the beginning scene at the end… as if I might have memory issues?
- Has the actor you have smoking in your film ever smoked a cigarette in his or her life?
- Are there four guys driving to Vegas and one of them accidentally dies?

All that taken into account, I eagerly await the opening gala of the CIFF. Thanks programmers, for shielding us from the zombie-ninja-robots attempting to drown themselves in Oreo vomit, while looking for “Jah”. We thank you.

As I recently spent two days and one night (all expenses paid by the Alberta tax-payer) in the Foothills Hospital here in beautiful Calgary I thought the least I could do was offer a review of this charming get-away.

When my appendix first started to pain me I gave careful consideration to which of Calgary’s hospitals I should like to have my patronage, and quickly decided that for central location and quality of view the Peter Lougheed hospital could be ruled out. That of course leaves Rockyview hospital and Foothills Hospital. As my appendix attack took place at work and Foothills is very near to both work and my home I decided it must be the winner.

The emergency reception area was quite well decorated and finely appointed with leatherette chairs and a motley assortment of other admittees to add to the hospital ambiance. One large television was present and fixed on Global. I should have prefered CTV but all in all it was an excellent room in which to pass the agonizing time during and after my abdominal rupture.

The nurse at admissions was helpful and friendly, and asked me to wait for testing in such a polite manner that I looked forward to the wait. After much poking and prodding it was determined that I would be ending the night like a bad edition of Shakespeare… sans appendix.

After a quick prep and little ado I was out and under, by morning I was resting in my common room with three other unfortunates in unit 102 of the hospital. Soon those warrior women of the Fighting 102nd were bustling around with food, drink, and pain pills. My first breakfast consisted of a mediocre ice water with a straw. I sipped it slowly at first letting the water play around the palette but alas it was simply too pedestrian a choice. My nurse quickly followed it with a Canada Dry Club Soda however which was a more bold choice and left an effervescent finish.

By noon I was ready for my first post surgery repast, which consisted of the unlikely pairing of chicken barley soup, cut pineapple pieces and a cup of tea. While the food was hearty and nourishing there was something in the pairing which neared, but did not achieve, it’s full culinary potential. For wine pairing I suppose a Riesling would be about the only choice considering the pineapple.

There was no dinner as I had blood tests to be done in the night so my next opportunity was once Breakfast came on the second day. It consisted of:

Blueberry Muffin
Blueberry Jam
Plain Boiled Oats
Cheese Slice
Cup of Coffee
Cup of Milk
Cup of Juice

Now here is where I take issue with the menu. A blueberry muffin with blueberry jam? Why not send me marmalade for goodness sakes, what a pairing blueberry goes with… blueberry. The muffins were by no means exceptional muffins (like these, my favs) but a little thought on the chef’s part would have taken them from drab to fab in no time. The sharp cheddar cheese slice was a fine compliment to the fruit but there was no helping the boiled oats. The juice was apple so I can’t even recommend a nice champagne to go with the juice.

After the breakfast I was more motivated than ever to set myself free from this epicurean purgatory, and resolved to appeal to my captors for an early release. The maitre d’ however insisted that I sit for lunch at the least, and as such I did.

A fine lunch consisted of a turkey sandwich, a bowl of creme of broccoli soup, and a side salad. Now at the time I was thinking Chardonnay but if you could only afford corkage on one bottle for your stay I would recommend a Riesling which would have paired with both meals.

After my release, I returned home to Ms. Livingstone’s fine scallops in black bean sauce. I would have paired this with a Chablis had the pharmesist not informed me that any consumption of alcohol while on my antibiotics would immediately turn me into the Trevi Fountain of regurgitation. Fortunately, I am not off of my medication, and it is back to business as usual.

On a serious note, the men and women at the hospital did a great job on my emergency surgery and I want to thank them all for the care and attention I received while I was there. Calgary has a fine medical facility in the Foothills and I am very grateful they were there in my hour of need.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I tip my hat to you,

David.

This new year I have made a resolution. It is something that I should have been working on a long time ago. Punctuality. I don’t know why, but it has become a real problem for me. I try to fit too many things in a limited amount of time with almost everything I do. The result is that I’m stressed and late. This year I am making a real effort to combat this evil habit. It is a difficult transition for me though, because since I have not had much practice in this area I am overcompensating and have now developed the nasty habit of arriving too early. What does one do when one has arrived too early. It is a totally foreign reality for me. Should I take up the hobby of reading  books? I don’t enjoy words. Should I take up the pastime of cigarette inhalation? I don’t enjoy tumors.  What shall I do? I am starting to not like early! Perhaps I will try walking slower. That way if I arrive early I can work it out to being on time.

I tip my hat to you,
David Haysom.

You see that person at the grocery store and think to yourself “Oh my god I know that person. How do I know that person?” You mine your brain, mine it more and then suddenly it dawns on you…”Yes, I took a class with them!”

But…What’s their name?

Well, here’s a tried, tested and true way to remember and all you need is knowledge of the alphabet. I learned this little trick of the trade playing endless games of Trivial Pursuit, the old school edition. Simply go through the alphabet and it will come to you.

The system isn’t perfect, sometimes you’ll be on “S” and your answer “Melissa” will pop into your head, but trust me it works.